Today in China

1. The footprints on the toilet seat are your own.

2. You no longer wait in line, but go immediately to the head of the queue.

3. You stop at the top or bottom of an escalator to plan your day.

4. It becomes exciting to see if you can get on the lift before anyone can get off.

5. It is no longer surprising that the only decision made at a meeting is the time and venue for the next meeting.

6. You rank the decision making abilities of your staff by how long it takes them to reply “Up To You”.

7. You no longer wonder how someone who earns US$ 400.00 per month can drive a Mercedes.

8. You accept the fact that you have to queue to get a number for the next queue.

9. You accept without question the mechanic’s analysis that the car is “Broken” and that it will cost you a lot of money to get it “Fixed”.

10. You find that it saves time to stand and retrieve your hand luggage while the plane is on final approach.

11. You can shake your hands almost perfectly dry before wiping them on your trousers, or you have your suits made with terrycloth pockets.

12. A T-Bone steak with rice sounds just fine.

13. You believe everything you read in the local newspaper.

14. You regard traffic signals, stop signs, and copy watch peddlers with equal disdain.

15. You have developed an uncontrollable urge to follow people carrying small flags.

16. When listening to the pilot prove he cannot speak English, you no longer wonder if he can understand the air traffic controller.

17. You regard it as part of the adventure when the waiter correctly repeats your order and the cook makes something completely different.

18. You have more knick-knacks than your grandmother.

19. You are not surprised when three men with a ladder show up to change a light bulb.

20. You blow your nose or spit on the restaurant floor (of course after making a loud hocking noise)

21. You look over people’s shoulder to see what they are reading

22. You throw your trash out the window of your house, your car or bus you are on

23. You would rather SMS someone than actually meet to talk ‘face to face’

24. You wear nylons when it is 30 degrees outside

25. You honk your horn at people because they are in your way as you drive down the sidewalk

26. You regularly fumble for five minutes to find 10 jiao despite 10 people waiting in line behind you

27. One of your fingernails is an inch long

28. You ride around on your bicycle ringing a bell for some unknown reason

29. In a meeting you say everything will be ‘wonderful’ and give no details.

30. You forget that the other person needs to finish speaking before you can start

31. You burp in any situation and don’t care.

32. You see one foreign person eating Pineapple (or whatever) and say “Yes, all foreign people like Pineapple”

33. You start to watch CCTV9 and feel warm and comforted by the ream

34. You take a nap while you are dining in a restaurant with your girlfriend/boyfriend

35. Just everything produced in your home town is “very famous in China”

36. You don’t do any favours without wondering what your personal benefit could be

37. You understand all the above listed references